We cross the state border, drive hours away, and are hit by beauty.
Golden yellows, deep reds, bright orange, pops of still fresh green. The hills rolled with color. It took my breathe away, filled my heart, and yet made me simultaneously sad. A sadness that rose from the lack of autumn scenery in our own area. A sadness of discontent, with the fall around my home that was brown and blah.
Why weren’t our trees dying as well as … continue reading
How does a writer,
Pick up her pen,
When the weight just gets heavier,
The dark have no end.
The lists that are made,
Dawn journaled with sigh,
Of all the burdens weighing,
Then more added by night.
Pouring out prayers,
It’s too much Lord, see?
This is why I feel faint,
And my heart begs to breathe.
The day brings pain’s increase,
The broken break more,
The well stumble over,
The stable lay gored.
My own mind and heart,… continue reading
The dying leaves wrapped up secret life, and hidden whispers of newness was coddled in the barren land. I wrote about the concealed beauty here, the imagery here, grasping the gift of tangible hope. Dead leaves but new chicks, and blossoms in bloom that would wither too soon.
Weeks later, I arrived home from being days gone solo, spirit-rested and self-refueled, and the kids greeted me with hugs and laughter and glee. We chatted and caught up, and then … continue reading
There’s a plant hanging from our front porch- a plant, if you can call it that. To anyone else, it looks more like death, decay, forgetfulness, neglect. But while we may not be the most green-thumb-worthy folks in town, this is not actually a case of more foliage-ignoring. It’s a case of life.
What you can’t see when you see all the brown dryness, is the nest snuggled inside, the mama who guards it, the new life hatching.
Every time … continue reading
When my husband called to tell me the adoption worker had lost the file, before I heard him say those words, I thought he was calling to tell me it had been filed with the court. The adoption worker was supposed to be taking it to court that morning- D.S.S’s last step- and the the court date should then truly come soon. We were in the home stretch, but then as I heard him say those words- that … continue reading
Covid definitely slowed things down. We saw it throughout the year, as courthouses and social workers figured out how to do things in the midst of global pandemic limitations. But, thankfully, the paperwork the court needed to go forward on our foster daughter’s case was filed right in time. If it had been a few weeks later, the case would have been frozen in time. But ours got in, and so we were able to make- albeit slow- progress.
Right … continue reading
“The bio mom passed away.”
My stomach sank, heart broke, and devastation hung in the air when I heard those words. My tears fell, the tragedy of this woman’s life so bleak, the ending so unhappy. I was so sad for her, so sad that all the attempts at bettering never reached fulfillment. So sad at addiction’s grasp on too many. And so sad for my foster daughter to lose her bio mom this way.
And then the conversation … continue reading
There are no words to explain the anguish we felt when given that 30 day notice. My almost-always calm and passive husband was angry and firm on the phone with the social worker- trying to get him to see the absurdity of it, the insanity of the judge. How could this couple who hadn’t followed the plan get her back in thirty days? We knew reunification was the goal- but that goal had to be met a certain way, … continue reading
I was so honored to share a devotional this morning at my church at Freedom Church Baltimore. I wanted to share it here as well, as it speaks to hope in the hurting places of our life. The video can be found here, where I begin at around minute 21; and below is the transcript:
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Good morning Freedom Church!
When Pastor Jeremy so graciously asked if I would consider doing a devotional today, he asked me to … continue reading
The roller coaster had already begun, but the speed and ups and downs went into full motion over the next several months.
Our first month was bliss and adjustments. It was a lot to figure out, but a lot of beautiful too. We felt the roller coaster ride go up when her first court sessions confirmed her to foster care and in our placement. We had a month of enjoying the time together, but then the first drop down … continue reading