Fall is here along with the lovely quotes that remind us of its power to show beauty in dying, magnificence in letting go, colors in endings.
But what about when the color doesn’t come?
This fall seems to be more brown than anything else. The weather this summer was certainly erratic enough to cause a loss of fall charm, and isn’t that how seasons go?
One season’s hard steals the joy from the next.
I feel this with trauma, the … continue reading
The dying leaves wrapped up secret life, and hidden whispers of newness was coddled in the barren land. I wrote about the concealed beauty here, the imagery here, grasping the gift of tangible hope. Dead leaves but new chicks, and blossoms in bloom that would wither too soon.
Weeks later, I arrived home from being days gone solo, spirit-rested and self-refueled, and the kids greeted me with hugs and laughter and glee. We chatted and caught up, and then … continue reading
I was so honored to share a devotional this morning at my church at Freedom Church Baltimore. I wanted to share it here as well, as it speaks to hope in the hurting places of our life. The video can be found here, where I begin at around minute 21; and below is the transcript:
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Good morning Freedom Church!
When Pastor Jeremy so graciously asked if I would consider doing a devotional today, he asked me to … continue reading
After going through a miscarriage at the end of January, it was strange just a couple weeks later to be facing Lent.
I had practiced Lent for several years before that, to help prepare my heart and sharpen my focus for the Easter season, but that year, it begged a new question- how does one do Lent in loss?
Lent is often practiced by giving up something, but it can also be the practice of the addition of something. Frequently, … continue reading
There’s just something about loss anniversaries that’s inexplicably hard. And it’s grief, yes, but it’s something more than that, something about being in the same spot of the cosmos that you were when things happened. There’s a heavy darkness that comes, that you know isn’t just the sadness in your heart but it’s the wound in your spirit being pressed.
A couple Sundays ago, it was the anniversary of when we took the first pregnancy test that would end … continue reading
The numbers roll over, 2020, 2021, and I hear the comments, see the hope.
This is the year, this will be the year, to fulfill all the shattered dreams of 2020 and live our best lives, and restoration is at hand! So long, 2020, couldn’t get rid of you soon enough.
And I hear the comments, see the hope, but my heart skips a beat, my stomach knots, and my mind whispers: Be careful what you wish for.
I remember … continue reading
Maybe it’s because the trees went from green to brown to fallen.
Maybe it’s the imagining of them soon stark brown, see-through, bare.
Or maybe- likely- it’s that when they were flower-filled and magical we were locked in on lockdown.
Whatever it is, I know that winter is bearing its teeth at me when it’s not even yet here.
I struggle with depression regularly and added seasonal sadness on a good year. When life is right, February is still long, … continue reading
Ecclesiastes tells us there’s a time to dance and a time to weep. But life begs me ask the question, is there a time for both?
I’ve long been convinced of the need for the appropriateness of responding to seasons of grief with tears and seasons of gain with glee. But what about when both seasons collide? It’s not always so easy to differentiate.
Life has certainly been seasons of ups and downs and not long ago was a long … continue reading
It’s another day of waiting for a post-court call. How many does this make? I can’t keep track. Can’t keep track of the hours and days of waiting to hear what’s happened in there while we’re left out here. Left out here like we’re nobody, because, I guess, technically, legally, we are.
I can hear our social worker say it again- “She won’t be in care when she’s 2.” I remember when she said it, inwardly flinching, flinching at her … continue reading
My five year old does the funniest thing sometimes- he covers his ears, and then yells whatever message it is he’s trying to get to someone else.
He’s so desperate to get the words across, so hilariously cracked-up in his goofiness, or so deeply angry, that he screams or hollors or shouts whatever it is to whoever it is that’s the target of his outcry. But his own noise is too much for him, so he covers his own ears.… continue reading