When my husband called to tell me the adoption worker had lost the file, before I heard him say those words, I thought he was calling to tell me it had been filed with the court. The adoption worker was supposed to be taking it to court that morning- D.S.S’s last step- and the the court date should then truly come soon. We were in the home stretch, but then as I heard him say those words- that … continue reading
Covid definitely slowed things down. We saw it throughout the year, as courthouses and social workers figured out how to do things in the midst of global pandemic limitations. But, thankfully, the paperwork the court needed to go forward on our foster daughter’s case was filed right in time. If it had been a few weeks later, the case would have been frozen in time. But ours got in, and so we were able to make- albeit slow- progress.
Right … continue reading
“The bio mom passed away.”
My stomach sank, heart broke, and devastation hung in the air when I heard those words. My tears fell, the tragedy of this woman’s life so bleak, the ending so unhappy. I was so sad for her, so sad that all the attempts at bettering never reached fulfillment. So sad at addiction’s grasp on too many. And so sad for my foster daughter to lose her bio mom this way.
And then the conversation … continue reading
There are no words to explain the anguish we felt when given that 30 day notice. My almost-always calm and passive husband was angry and firm on the phone with the social worker- trying to get him to see the absurdity of it, the insanity of the judge. How could this couple who hadn’t followed the plan get her back in thirty days? We knew reunification was the goal- but that goal had to be met a certain way, … continue reading
The roller coaster had already begun, but the speed and ups and downs went into full motion over the next several months.
Our first month was bliss and adjustments. It was a lot to figure out, but a lot of beautiful too. We felt the roller coaster ride go up when her first court sessions confirmed her to foster care and in our placement. We had a month of enjoying the time together, but then the first drop down … continue reading
There’s moments unique to fostering and adopting- comparable to the moments of a positive pregnancy test appearing before one’s eyes, or an ultrasound image coming into focus. Those unforgettable moments when a life is unfolding and coming to you. One of those moments in fostering and adopting is the moment you get the call. You remember the details around it, the words of it, the feelings in it.
I remember exactly where I was standing in the kitchen when the … continue reading
Oh sweet girl, how I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and a million times more if I need to: You were never, ever plan B.
How often does the world of adoption and foster care get assumed on the infertile and barren? As if God said, the child-losing should take care of the parent-losing. But no, He said His children should care for the orphans, and there’s more than enough of us for them and yet they … continue reading
“Hey, mama… do you have that picture…?” I wouldn’t even have to explain it anymore to my mom, she knows what I mean, she knows “that picture.” The picture of the first time I held my daughter, the first day I met her, the day that we began.
She knows, sends it back to me, back to my phone that had lost it when it lost everything. I have it ready, ready to post on Facebook in a couple hours … continue reading
I knew it would be a hard winter. It didn’t disappoint. The depression weighed heavy, the cold numbed, the bitter dry season felt never-ending.
I knew it would be hard. But I didn’t expect the first tastes of spring to be so hard too.
March started and hope got in line, and I thought, oh good, now it will get better, now the gloom breaks, now the load lifts. And maybe it’s because I expected it, maybe it’s because … continue reading
Ecclesiastes tells us there’s a time to dance and a time to weep. But life begs me ask the question, is there a time for both?
I’ve long been convinced of the need for the appropriateness of responding to seasons of grief with tears and seasons of gain with glee. But what about when both seasons collide? It’s not always so easy to differentiate.
Life has certainly been seasons of ups and downs and not long ago was a long … continue reading