Fall is here along with the lovely quotes that remind us of its power to show beauty in dying, magnificence in letting go, colors in endings.
But what about when the color doesn’t come?
This fall seems to be more brown than anything else. The weather this summer was certainly erratic enough to cause a loss of fall charm, and isn’t that how seasons go?
One season’s hard steals the joy from the next.
I feel this with trauma, the … continue reading
(For a more comprehensive look at my journey in 2018, see my blog post The Weight of What Happened)
Hey, five-years-ago-me,
It’s springtime again, the season of memories again, flowers blooming and sun warming and PTSD knocking again.
Like every year since, I wouldn’t need a calendar to know what time of year it is. This body of ours still reminds me, feeling the memories without even trigger, breath spontaneously shallow, thoughts swirling with potential catastrophes.
I am so … continue reading
I wonder if they were going to look at the planets.
We set up the telescope, peering towards the western sky, having anticipated the sight of Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, Uranus, and Mars. Lined up near the moon, a stunning display.
I had wanted to feel small. Wanted the kids to feel small, because only in our smallness can we forget ourselves, feel wonder, welcome joy and peace.
We’ve been planning it, looking forward to this, and I wonder if … continue reading
It’s a strange thing to come back home.
For half of my life I grew up here, it was all I knew, all I’d known, and then the second half I spent in so many places.
Until God brought me back here, back to that same town as that first church, and the area that held so many memories. And so many questions.
And it’s a strange thing, to come back and it be so different, and me be … continue reading
My feet just kept taking me further and further into the deep end of the church pool.
Until I found myself a pastor’s wife ready to get out of the pool altogether.
It’s a strange thing to reach back into my mind, into those memories, and see that young girl in the pew confused and sad. And look back more recently at her as a pastor’s wife crying her eyes out as she walked back to her car in … continue reading